


The Honorary Slytherins

by HappyUnicornCat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, How Do I Tag, Kinda Serious Crack, No Plot/Plotless, Tell Me What To Tag This With, mostly following canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22140490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyUnicornCat/pseuds/HappyUnicornCat
Summary: A fic about two idiots  that try (and might actually succeed) to become honorary Slytherins.*I don't own Harry Potter*
Relationships: Cassandra Melody Crosshatch(OC) & Kali Jade Iverson(OC)





	1. Chapter 1 - Prologue I guess

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BTS_Rm_Bias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BTS_Rm_Bias/gifts).

> Warning - This fic is going to be kinda crackish, so watch out for that.
> 
> Just so that you know who's who  
Name - Cassandra Melody Crosshatch  
Gender - Fem  
Description - Blonde knee length hair w/ blue streaks, Pale tan skin, Bright electric blue eyes,  
Nicknames - Cass,  
User - Dovewing15
> 
> Name - Kali Jade Iverson  
Gender - Fem  
Description - Fluffy dirty blonde chin length hair w/ pink bangs, Pale skin, Muted green eyes  
Nicknames - Kal,  
User - HappyUnicornCat

Kali stared at the train for a few seconds before whispering, "Why is it so  _ red _ ?" Cassandra shrugged, pushing some of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"How should I know? Blame Malfoy. "

Kali turned to Cassandra with a glare. "You've barely even  _ glanced  _ at a Malfoy before, so why the fuck are you blaming one of them?"

Cassandra shrugged again. "Why not? Anyways, we should probably get on the train before it leaves. " She then started to push her trolley towards said train. 

Kali scrambled after her, shouting "Wait for me!" As she did so. And in response Cassandra started to run, cackling as she did so. On the way to the train Kali had to push her pink bangs out of her face a few times, but she managed to follow Cassandra without bumping into anyone. Once they reached the train she smacked Cassandra.

"You're the worst. "

"I know." Cassandra chirped. "Now help me with my trunk."

Kali huffed, "Only if you help me with mine."

"Deal."

**\---**

Once Kali and Cassandra settled into their compartment Cass pulled out her wand (10 inches oak and basilisk fang) and muttered a complicated spell her mother had taught her, allowing music to flow from her wand. Kali laughed, "What?" Asked Cass.

"I wonder what people will think when your name is called out for your sorting." Kali put on what Cass calls her 'high and mighty' voice. "Crosshatch Cassandra Melody. "

They both broke into a fit of giggles, making the people that pass by the compartment to look at them weirdly. Kali saw someone -probably Percy Weasley- giving them a  _ look _ , making her laugh harder and almost fall off the bench. Which in turn made Cassandra laugh harder. Kali gasped out a "Can't breath!" in between laughter. It took a few minutes for them to calm down, but they somehow managed to.

"So, why did you almost fall?" 

"Some Weasley gave us a weird look, and it was  _ hilarious. _ " Cassandra raised an eyebrow.

"Really? "

Kali nodded, "Mhmm, it looked kinda like this." She then tried to copy the face, and failed  _ spectacularly. _ Making Cassandra snicker. 


	2. Chapter 2 - Kicking Ass and Taking Names

Kali nodded, "Mhmm, it looked kinda like this." She then tried to copy the face, and failed  _ spectacularly. _ Making Cassandra snicker. 

**\---**

Kali was about to say something else when the compartment door opened, and three Slytherins sneered at them. Cassandra narrowed her eyes. "Can we help you?"

The obvious leaders (Bitch #1) voice sounded almost like a pugs would if they could talk. "You can get out of our compartment. "

Kali frowned, "We were here first, there for its  _ our _ compartment. "

The second in command (Bitch #2) spoke up. "It doesn't matter if you were here first, this our compartment because we said so! And we're older than you, so you have to listen. " Bitch #2 had a smug look on her face as she said this. Obviously believing what she's saying. 

Kali tilted her head and then said in a  _ sickeningly _ sweet voice. "How about you fuck off, and we won't do something that would make you regret ever even looking in our window. What do ya say, hun?" Kali's tone of voice made the bitch trio hesitate. But Bitch #1 was about to push their luck, when both Kali and Cassandra stood up and just  _ grinned  _ at them.  _ In unison. _ Making the three Slytherins quickly back up and shut the door, practically running away.

Cassandra spoke up as they sat back down. "Well that was anticlimactic. "

Kali snorted, "Yup."

**\---**

Cassandra and Kali looked around the Great Hall as they walked in. They overheard Hermione talking about the ceiling but ignored her. McGonagall put the stool and hat down, then turned back to the students. "When I call your name you will come up and be sorted into your House. Understood?" She didn't wait for an answer and called out, "Abbott, Hannah!"

Kali and Cassandra whispered to each other, guessing and making bets on which House everyone would go to. They both perked up as Harry's name was called and, like everyone else, waited with bated breath.

_ "Gryffindor! _ "

Kali pouted. "Gryffindor, really? I would have thought he'd be a Slytherin. " 

Cassandra shot her a look. "You know that this fic is mostly following canon, so shush."

"But Cass-" Kali's whining was cut off by Professor McGonagall calling out her name.

"Iverson, Kali Jade!"

Kali huffed annoyed, but walked up to the stool and sat down. The hat was only on her head for a minute when it called out,  _ "Ravenclaw!" _

Kali went and sat down at the Ravenclaw table. Two more names were called before McGonagall called out, "Crosshatch, Cassandra Melody!" 

Causing Kali to pay attention to the sorting again. Cass walked up to the stool and sat down, obviously. It took a little over three minutes for the hat to call out,  _ "Ravenclaw!" _

Cass sat down next to Kali and bumped her shoulder. "Huh, we're in the same House. It's almost as if the writer wanted to make it easier on herself, since you're more of a Gryffindor than a Ravenclaw. " Kali deadpanned.

Cassandra smacked her. "Stop breaking the fourth wall!"

"You broke it first." Kali grumbled as she rubbed her arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count : 493
> 
> I accidentally almost put "months" instead of "minutes" when writing about how long it took to sort Cass. Also Dove is actually a Gryffindor, we just thought that it would help with our plan if she wasn’t a Gryffindor in the fic.
> 
> Anyways, bye my gremlins!


	3. Chapter 3 - The Dorm *Insert Spooky Music Here*

"You broke it first." Kali grumbled as she rubbed her arm.

**\---**

[ ** _(I don’t feel like explaining what their dorm looks like, it’s mirrored on the other side)_ ** ](https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/403987029048757193/)

Kali and Cass stepped into their dorm room, Kali’s jaw dropped slightly. “_ Wow _ , this is _ fancy _. I’d wolf whistle if I could.”

Cassandra snickered, “You seriously don’t know how to whistle?”

Kali gave her a flat look as she opened her trunk. “I know _how_ to whistle, I just can’t.”

“Uh huh, sure you do.”

“I’ll fight you.”

“I know.”

Kali glared as she grabbed her pajamas. “I’m gonna change in the bathroom, let me know when you’re done so I can come out.” Cassandra waved her hand dismissively.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Once they were changed they settled onto their beds, Cassandra spoke up first. “So, do you think our plan is actually going to work?”

Kali shrugged, “It should. And if it doesn’t then we’ll just think of a new one.”

“You make it sound easy.” Cass grumbled. 

“Eh.”

“What are you a Canadian?”

  
“...Yes actually. _ Which you know _.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count : 150


	4. IMPORTANT

Hello, to everyone reading this. This is a note that many of you have read before in the past few days. It is about the fanfic pocket library app.

I'm annoyed about this and while I don't know if my stories are on it, it is still worrying. In a week I will be making it so that only people with accounts can read my story. I recommend that everyone without an account get one.

In the future I might change it back so that people without an account can also read it again but for now I don't trust that the person who made the app isn't making money off of my story.

I am sorry for the inconvenience but please understand that this person is making money off of other people's hard work without their permission.

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count : 361
> 
> This fic exists because me and Dovewing15 made a plan for how we would sneak into the Slytherin common room and become Honorary Slytherins. The chapters in this fic are going to be short (or at least shorter than my other fics) so chapters should hopefully come out faster. 
> 
> Anyways, bye my gremlins


End file.
